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I want to be honest about my game. A lot more happend than you could see.
At first it all started in 2014 as a small summer project but it didn't took long to understand that to create a videogame is not gonna be as easy as I thought. The more time it was taking the more ambitious project it was becoming until it changed to something completely else. My redemption.
I started making the game the same time I finished high school and I wasn't about to go to college. I was making some money here and there with making animations for a various companies. Mostly a short promo videos. It was never really making enough though and it was putting me under stress. I have an enxiety issues and at the time I was unable to do a regular job. Things tended to get really dark when I tried.
So I felt the game is the solution. I felt it needs to success. The goal was to make a successful game, make some money and get the freedom I wanted to so badly. So I put myself under so much pressure. I was really hard on myself. Nothing I did was ever good enough. I always had to get better. Make the illustrations better, make the dialogues sound better, all of it. I was kept in a never ending circle of redoing everyting. Over and over. I felt it must succeed, like there's no other way.
Later it started to be even more difficult as my partner and I started to have different visions and we spent more and more time finding compromises instead of actually making the game. We were working on the over a three years and we didn't see to get finsished anytime soon. We reach an another studio and started talking about a partnership, but then... then it happened. Until then we didn't show the game to anyone and when we did we found out the game isn't working, that we didn't know how to make a videogame and we did some core mistakes right at the beginning that couldn't be easily fixed. We decided to end the whole project. It destroyed me. It all ended after three and half years.
I crashed a few times during the years. but this one was the worst. There were times I had such a strong anxieties I thought I'm literally dying and I couldn't do anything for weeks. I had no job, no school and after a while almost no friends as well. I was home trying to make a successful game. At one point that was the only thing my life was about. Relationships are difficult for me because of my anxiety but since I was mostly just home I wasn't meeting any new people only slowly loosing contact with the friends I had. I felt really lonely.
Now, this was a story of the original game that the game Unjustness is based on. In april 2018 I've started over with this new game and with a different approach. The story of Unjustness is based on the original story. Some things are similar some are different. I'm working on it alone. My former partner is now working on a completely different project by himself.
I have no deadlines or working schedules and I don't need the game to succeed anymore. I actually do have a job now. And to be honest I really like the game the way it looks now. I love art, it's my biggest passion but to be honest there was no passion at the end of the development of the original game. I see Unjustness as my first videogame and I don't expect to be a masterpiece anymore as well as I also don't make this project to be the only thing in my life. But yes I have no idea when it's done, but I don't mind. This doesn't mean all my anxieties are gone, that's a long process but I do enjoy the development again.
I wanted to be honest. A lot of things was happening while most of the time people didn't even know I was making a videogame and maybe you're a developer yourself, so please don't pressure yourself the same way I did. Respect yourself and respect your work. Game development is an amazing thing, we just have to keep it that way.