Před 3 týdny
I've been playing with shaders the last days. Even though they seems like some kind of a dark voodoo magic they truly are amazing. They are basically just a bunch of complicated math of how to render pixels on a screen. I was making a heat haze effect for some of my desert scenes and some bush/grass swaying. That sounds pretty simple, right? Well believe me it took me a couple of days to sort it out. But it pays off, they really makes the scene come to a life. Alright I'll probably get more technical later, but now there's something I want to share with you.
I started to feel under pressure again. And I don't like that. I started to feel anxiety about the fact this game will probably take years to finish. At first I thought why am I feeling this anxiety now when I'm actually closer than I was before? Why I didn't have this feelings while I was writing the script? Well it seems like this happens when I start to put an expectations on the release. Having no expectations would really be the best way but it's hard to not have any while doing a project this big.
I feel tired lately and I might have seen the release as a relief while in irony taking a break and postponing the release might actually solve the problem. But I don't think I'm tired from working on the game though. So the question is where is this fatigue coming from? Why now?
I've been struggling with loneliness again and it seems like no matter how much time you take to relax and how many days off you have there's some kind of energy you can only really get from other people and sometimes it feels like a never ending strugle to finally reach a certain point but never actually getting there. Have you ever felt this way?
Having a partner, spending enough time with friends... I can't get it right for some reason.
Relationships are not my my strong suite but lately I'm starting to realizing more and more that I've got something else instead. I have a vision I want to share with the world through my art and the ability to see it through and that gives me confort. I guess we all got something, right?
I'll end this post with giving you a little sneak peek. I thinking about writing a more specific post about me switching from Visionaire Studio to Unity. If there's something you would like to know in particular, let me know in the comments.